tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
