kristin has been a bad kristin
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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