Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
