i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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