The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
