I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i've created a new STD.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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