HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
