Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If its not for food we ain't going out.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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