You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
