I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
