a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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