Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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