If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
