Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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