fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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