you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
