Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
