I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
