My balls are so social today.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
