Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
