Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
