how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
