I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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