Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
