If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
