sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize