I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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