Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
