i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
