A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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