my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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