walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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