I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
