Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
