that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
