I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
