You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
