Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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