Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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