I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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