Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
