Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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