I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
