Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
