i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
