Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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