Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize