I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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