I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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