after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
