Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
