Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Text me some of your sweat
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
