Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
