im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
