we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
