So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
