the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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