When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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