see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
