I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
