and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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