cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
