maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
