Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
