from now on my penis is your penis
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
