she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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