I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
