I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
