Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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