no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
