why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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