i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
