After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
