Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
